Everyone at some point in their lives loses a parent. Coping with the death of a parent is a painful ordeal that cannot be described. The raw intense emotions of grief are challenging and devastating. The parent-child bond is the most fundamental of all human ties. When the parent dies, that bond is broken, leading to an avalanche of emotions sweeping over the child.
We always and forever remain a child to our parents , however old we may become. Whether the death was sudden or expected , one is never prepared for the overwhelming impact that it has. It is very hard to fathom and accept that your parent, who has always been there for you , has now gone. The grief is a numbing and devastating tidal wave that washes over you , leaving you insensate and incapacitated. You are not able to perform the simplest of daily functions because the brain itself does not function. It takes enormous reserves of fortitude to eventually return to a semblance of normal behaviour.
With the passage of time , and upon reflection, I can now share my thoughts on how I learnt to cope with this profound loss.
The most important lesson I learnt , was that it is important to embrace your grief and heal. Reconciling grief is not a quick process, it takes a very long time .
I went into a cocoon for several weeks where I did not wish to interact with anyone except immediate family. Waves of grief come and go over several weeks and months. Working through the stages of grief eventually lead to recovery. In the beginning you feel that the pain will never end, but incredibly, one slowly begins to adjust to a life without the parent. In this period of adjustment, you never know when the grief comes over you again. It may be the parents birthday or a favourite festival. Grief cannot be pushed away, it has to be accepted. Give yourself an hour or two to think about the late parent , try to remember the fun times if possible and slowly recover composure.
Grief requires one to go through a lot of introspection to regain equilibrium of both emotions and cognition to accept the reality of the loss.
Grief is also an isolating process. Many friends and acquaintances avoid you. However, I realised that many people are shy and embarrassed and feel awkward expressing condolences.
It is important to talk and share grief with friends and family. Its all a part of the healing process.Take as much time as you need.